


quandary

by laslow



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, aka laslow saves kaze, and also gets a boyfriend, and it gets gay, inner turmoil, kaze constantly doubts the role he was given, kaze-centric, there's a make out session too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 06:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7088392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laslow/pseuds/laslow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he knew not whether he was still a ninja because of the teachings he followed or the label he carried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	quandary

**Author's Note:**

> my favourite fates pairing is actually xander/laslow, but i felt like writing something for kaze aa big man with the big arms you know what i mean
> 
> i really want some more xander/laslow in this community though. dont we all just want to see laslow getting destroyed by a big man?
> 
> please enjoy! and let me know how it sits with you. i'm actually expecting this story to get very few views because nobody ships this lmao....but all you people who ship it hmu because we are a rare species (also if you're a fan of xander/laslow pleASE TALK TO ME)

It was commonplace in Kaze's life to be described with the same few words. Polite, calm, reliable. He himself was a man of few words (although not as few as his brother), one easily depended on in times of hardship. An assassination job, a quick hunt for a few coins, he was capable of most things a man would typically be expected to do. Yet Kaze's existence in this world was insignificant, for he was not the one born with the destiny to bear the Saizo name. Despite his brother being just as handy as he, Kaze was often ignored in favour of his brother's fated fortune. The scarce family Kaze had had attenuated into something so negligible it was difficult to even prove oneself was as worthy as you were once considered.

Kaze could swim through rivers, climb mountains and lay fingers mottled from years of wear and tear on a man's jaw (a quick twist would make the perfect concourse for his kunai to finish the job) without attesting his family name, simply as a result of him _not being the one born with glory seeping from his lips_. Thinking back, Kaze believed that he could never have glory spilling its golden droplets over himself no matter how hard he tried, which was exactly why he seemingly accepted his forthcoming finish in Castle Krakenburg. Ironically enough, it was the most honourable death for a ninja to accept what was coming for him despite Kaze's emanating feelings of rebellion towards his title. Eyelids crusted with dirt closed vulnerably as he prepared himself for his impending death.

Despite his best efforts to be accepting of his imminent doom, Kaze wrang time by the neck and threw himself into the hours of the day beyond then, and beyond then, _and beyond then_ because he had been a prisoner of Nohr and he had lived.

The first words Kaze could remember after his post-close encounter slumber was the gentle whisper of a young man.

"What are you thinking about?", he whispered. There was a hint of earnest in his voice, as though he had been anticipating the awakening of the Hoshidan ninja whom had survived in Nohrian captivity. The weight of the situation (and the incessant sinking feeling that _he had betrayed his family_ ) made Kaze's body heavy with lethargy, yet as he opened his heavy eyelids (as if they had been carrying the sun, the sky, and everything but his pride as a ninja of Hoshido) his body was knocked into the magnetism of the man before him.

His figure was slender, as were his shoulders (which were rather petite for a man) where he sat, crouched on his toes in front of Kaze. His heavy sleeves were rolled up to the elbows haphazardly, fabric bunched up in a morose grey hue which accentuated his creamy forearms and soft complexion. Kaze's eyes quickly glanced over his face, failing to contain their surprise at the young man's gentle smile and sparkling eyes. Surely, a man this unblemished couldn't be a soldier, Kaze thought (although he knew the heavy tunic he wore was nothing less than commonplace for a Nohrian soldier). He seemingly meant no harm yet Kaze remained cautious, being a Hoshidan in Nohr. Aware of the stranger before him, Kaze's hand at his side subtly pressed along his leg. Of course, he thought dejectedly. Of course he wouldn't be trusted with weapons.

Kaze stared at the man, eyes beating his message clear into the man's skin. It didn't matter, no matter how gentle he seemed, no matter how nice his smile was, _no matter how beautiful_ -

"You may call me Laslow. I saved your life." A quick upturn of the corners of his mouth displayed a neat row of teeth. Kaze's fist clenched where it lay underneath the hem of his scarf. Laslow's eyes quickly caught on to the movement of his hand as Kaze subconsciously tugged the end further over his chest, fingers stained shades of grey, brown and black from the various grounds he dug his hands into as he beat a frenetic path about Nohrian territory the day before. The thin skin of his dry knuckles nearly split as he clenched his fingers around the dark fabric in a fist. _Saved_. This credulous stranger had no right, bandying words of the sort in the face of the enemy. He didn't know what it was like at all.

Kaze scoffed. "Saved," he began. "You saved nothing worthy of saving. As a ninja, I am prepared to die for my cause. The only thing you saved me from is seeing the faces of my family when they realise that I _betrayed_ them. 'Saved'. A dandy like you has no right to use words so seemingly insignificant when larger matters are to be considered." He glowered his scrutinising gaze at Laslow's face. Seemingly intimidated, Laslow hastily pulled down the thick sleeves of his tunic, as though to shield more of himself from Kaze's brutal inspection. With the slight clink of his thin silver bracelets knocking together, he raised his hand and ran it through his silky grey hair, leaving it somewhat ruffled. Laslow sighed and shuffled closer to Kaze, getting on his knees and then sitting on his rear. 

Laslow was too close. Unbearably so, Kaze realised. His fingers wound myriads of idiosyncratic passages into the dark fabric of his scarf as he anticipated Laslow's next move. "I'm trying my best, you know? The big man's direct orders were to get information from you at all costs. He even gave me this," two thin fingers tapped the gilted sheath of a dagger slung from his belt. "But I didn't want to hurt you. Hoshido only fight dreaming of peace for us all in the end, right? I wanted to speak with you with your principles in mind. No harm done, yeah?" Laslow's pupils had dilated, making him look innocent. Kaze quirked slightly and refused to meet his gaze. "Sure, I didn't save you. But my intentions are as pure as the words I speak, promise." Shakily, Laslow pulled the sheathed dagger out of his belt and placed it on the small stretch of dungeon floor between him and Kaze. "Take my words as you will." He nodded at Kaze and balled his hands into fists in his lap.

Without hesitation, Kaze reflexively took the dagger out of its sheath and held it to Laslow's throat. Instinctively, Laslow's eyes fluttered shut as he grimaced, waiting for the worst. Their bodies were pressed closely together, so close that Kaze could feel the heat emanating from Laslow's form beneath him. One gulp of his throat which nearly led him into the dagger's path made Kaze realise that Laslow's words were the truth. Although naive, his actions were deemed trustworthy. He hummed for a moment before sheathing the dagger and climbing off Laslow.

"My name is Kaze. I am the brother of Saizo the Fifth. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Laslow." 

Laslow's eyes opened in surprise as he audibly released a breath, a result of the accumulated tension. Four fingers on his right hand, accompanied with the tinkling of his bracelets, reached for his throat to gently caress where the dagger touched. "Great," he murmured as the air cleared between them. "That's great," he said more clearly, taking shape with his primary smile.

Laslow could be described with a multitude of words Kaze could think of, yet they still wouldn't be enough to do the charismatic young man justice. To Kaze, Laslow was enigmatic, passionate, tantalising, talented, shy, skilled, pretty (too pretty to spend his life on the battlefield, he had come to realise). He was a powerful mercenary at the same time as he was the rightful retainer to Prince Xander. It was almost difficult to leave the man alone once Kaze had been swept up in his magnetism. If Laslow was a planet, Kaze would be damned if he eventually figured out whether he was a moon in orbit around him or a meteorite being pulled towards him by the hopeless forces of gravity. Spontaneously, Laslow tried far too hard (his futile attempts at flirting Kaze had come to see a few times too many were almost painful) and also didn't try at all. And Kaze would be lying if he said he wasn't slightly attracted to the enigma of warm smiles, flirty phrases and creamy skin. 

Despite eventually understanding that his standing point as a ninja of the Saizo clan was nothing more than a commonplace role in Hoshido, Kaze paid enough attention to his ninja principles to understand that the feelings he had for Laslow were dangerous emotions for a ninja.

Yet all the frolicking, the charm and the teary eyes (he'd seen enough of them when Laslow was constantly rejected) gave Kaze enough leeway to decide that _this wasn't Hoshido_ , he could only follow the ninja code by the name and it wouldn't even matter. After all, a traitor was a traitor, and for someone from an esteemed clan such as the Saizo clan to be caught up in a predicament like Kaze, there truly was no way of fully regaining the honour once lost.

Shy, averted gazes became shared looks of warmth, small smiles became the direct cause of anticipation and subtle winks from across the mess hall became the fodder for whispered, flirty comments as they passed each other in the large halls.

Of course, Laslow caught on very quickly and reciprocated tenfold. Kaze still wore the name of a ninja, and his pride (or lack of) was on the line. Winks became touches, and touches became tight grasps to the point at which he could hold Laslow's hand and feel entirely comfortable because _he didn't want to lose against him_. 

He couldn't even say he was surprised when he had Laslow backed against a wall in one of the courtyards of Castle Krakenburg, his slender hands wrapped around Kaze's neck, green hair trapped within the cracks between his fingers as he crashed his mouth against Kaze's aggressively, reciprocating as much as he was receiving. Kaze pressed his body closer, closer _closer_ until he felt Laslow's smaller, lithe form pressed flush against his. Kaze could feel the warmth radiating off Laslow's skin, fiery hot (whether it was from the stuffiness of his mercenary tunic's sleeves or from the passion shared between their kisses, Kaze couldn't discern the two) beneath his fingers as his hands lay on Laslow's hips, lifting his shirt and pressing thin fingers to his exposed midriff. Laslow shivered, one hand moving from Kaze's neck to his hair and pulling him down for more contact, inching forward and receiving more than he could expect from the taut ninja. He released himself from the kiss and leaned in towards Kaze's ear, whispering, "you just had to take this long, didn't you?" as Kaze's finger stroked along the waistband of Laslow's trousers. 

"As a ninja, I take pride in-"

"Screw your ninja bullshit and kiss me," Laslow said desperately, pulling down at Kaze's scarf to meet his lips in a messy yet passionate kiss. It wasn't perfect for either of them-Kaze was more forceful than usual and Laslow was aching for contact. The moment was heated and they were both too caught up in each other's momentum to care about the trivial details (they unanimously agreed that they could figure out the rest along the way).

Kaze could hardly call their relationship something of a proper courtship. Yet his feelings for Laslow, and Laslow's feelings for him, were genuine in every aspect of the word. The two spend more than enough time together, invading each other's spaces (Laslow more so than Kaze) like a proper couple. More than enough times, Kaze had been hastily pulled to the side by a relentless Selena asking where Laslow was.

"I'd assumed he was with Odin and yourself, as per usual," Kaze replied the first time, brushing the fabric of his clothing back into the proper place. 

Selena scoffed, "'as per usual?' Are you dense or what? As of the late you and Laslow have been going off together all the time. I only asked you because you're close to him, is all. I have no interest in talking with your boring and stoic self in any case." She turned around and walked off, arms crossed as always (Kaze would soon learn that he did the same). Kaze figured that what she said didn't truly matter, for if Selena were to spend anything that wasn't her money wastefully, it was almost certainly her time. A quick wonder would result in her finding Laslow at a tavern, charming a young maiden (where he was shyly glancing into Kaze's eyes when visiting), or in a garden trying to find roses the perfect colour of indigo (Kaze had been part of this goose chase more often than not), or by the fountain. A fonder place for Kaze and Laslow than most, he figured, especially because the memory seemed the hold a sense of value for Laslow more so than Kaze himself. 

"It reminds me of a harvest festival I went to back home," Laslow had said wistfully, staring into the gushing stream of clear water in the fountain, eyes not in focus. "One of the greatest nights of my life," Laslow sighed gleefully, a nostalgic smile playing at the corner of his lips. 

Kaze frowned. "I hope it wasn't a great night for the reason I'm thinking of," he said, eyeing Laslow warily. Their relationship had been an abundance of firsts for the both of them, after all. Laslow had admitted to never being with another person before, and that Kaze was his first. Kaze wistfully thinks that their mutual loss of something precious tied their bonds closely. This wasn't a proper courtship, he had told himself constantly, but it sure damn felt like one. 

Nonetheless, Laslow laughed. "You were my first, and I yours," he said quietly, pulling Kaze's hand towards his mouth and placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles. Kaze was initially shocked (he wasn't used to public affection, but for Laslow he could get used to it), yet he smiled as he felt Laslow withdraw and curl his fingers between Kaze's slightly bigger ones, their hands embracing for a time all too short and negligible compared to the expanse of their lives down to the minute. 

"It was during another war, too. We set out for a festival and ended up staying the night. It was so lively you couldn't even tell we were in the middle of a war, you know? And we danced and danced until our legs were so sore we couldn't even walk, because we never knew when it would all come to end. You've got to make the most of what you've got, after all." Laslow sniffled a little, and Kaze prayed that he wouldn't start crying in front of the fountain.

"My father and his knight wanted to toss something into this huge fountain since it supposedly strengthens your relationship. Pretty funny, right? I was there with another friend of mine, and his," Laslow hesitated for a second. "His wyvern attacked me for insulting my dancing." Laslow didn't meet his eyes.

Kaze hummed thoughtfully. "I've got to hand it to the wyvern," Kaze said, "because I think I would've done the same." Laslow gaped and lightly punched Kaze's chest with their intertwined hands. 

"Like you have any perception of the art of dance," Laslow teased, eyes playfully darting from Kaze's eyes to his scarf, which he was fixing with his free hand.

"You're right," Kaze said, "I didn't have time for any leisurely activities because I'm a ninja."

"Because you're a ninja," Laslow echoed listlessly. 

"Because I'm a ninja," Kaze repeated, the words seemingly incomprehensible having repeated them so many times. Kaze knew not whether the words he spoke seemed incomplete because since being in Nohr he had only lived by the label, or because he truly wanted to believe them. He could thoughtfully say that he couldn't care either way.

"And because you're a ninja, you're going to toss a coin into the fountain for me?" Laslow said hopefully, pressing the shiny coin into Kaze's free hand. "I've never done it before, and I do need a handsome ninja such as yourself to keep me company from here onwards," he said meekly, although his tone didn't match up with the cheeky wink he aimed at Kaze.

Kaze threw the coin into the water aimlessly.

"What are you doing?!" Laslow exclaimed, pressing his hand into the fountain edge and leaning over, searching for the coin. "You're meant to make it special! You don't just," he flailed his arm about softly, "throw it in there!" Kaze chuckled at Laslow's small fit and leaned down, pressing a kiss to his mouth (oddly enough, Laslow was the one who would usually initiate things in public). 

"Nobody thanks a single coin for the strength behind the bonds we tie," Kaze whispered in his ear. "If people were like that, the world would be full of dreamers and we'd all have died at war by now."

Laslow sighed, pressing his face against Kaze's shoulder. "I'm just one of those dreamers," Laslow's muffled reply came, warm against Kaze's clothing. 

Kaze tilted his head slightly in amusement. "That you are, Laslow. A dreamer, a dancer, a mercenary, a cherished friend and partner," he mused. "You're a lot of things."

They backed away from the fountain's edge, standing close enough to revel in the sound of water flowing but far enough to only consider the presence of each other.  
_A lot of things I'm not_ went unsaid, although Laslow presumably caught on and knew what Kaze was thinking despite this.

But he still kept quiet, the unspoken words as empty as the square around them but only half as significant. The two stayed pressed closely to each other for a while as the minutes went by. It was nice, Kaze thought, to have a sense of downtime during the war. It was like Laslow said, they made the most of their time. After all, you never knew which day was your last and when each minute on the clock mattered Kaze supposed that even small moments like the ones he shared with Laslow made each second longer, each minute precious. 

Of course, he did think about Hoshido and all the people he had left behind. He thought of the fiery crimson colour of his brother's hair, his brother's liege, the future king of Hoshido. Kaze thought of the other three royal siblings, the demure Sakura, the dissentient Takumi, the resolute Hinoka. There were a lot of people in Hoshido he would miss. But time went on, and with every second of the day Kaze knew he had to leave Hoshido in the past some time soon.

A chary smile from Laslow made Kaze come to the conculsion that he was content with life in Nohr anyway.


End file.
